My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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