i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize