Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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