White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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