Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize