I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I faked an abortion last night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
