things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
