I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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