Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
