I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
