im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
