He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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