I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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