so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
