so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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