Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
