I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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