Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize