Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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