DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
