You can't motorboat a personality
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
