A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
