I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
