but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
