I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
