i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
