you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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