just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
