my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
