Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
