I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
