we're blogging at a bar
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
