get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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