I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
