If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
