i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
