I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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