i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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