And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
