its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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