Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
