My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
