Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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