I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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