im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
