Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
