It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
