Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
