Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
