im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
