It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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