whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
