Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
