Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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