y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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