my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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