I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
