i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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