So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
