why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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