How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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