Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
