I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
