The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
