He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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