Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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