Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize