I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
