I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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