Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
