So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
