she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
