you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
