We're like a lot better than the average bears
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
