I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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