I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
