you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
