I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
