Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
