how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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