It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
